The Obedient Wives Club - My unusual two cents worth

So there are a bunch of Muslim women in Malaysia who are happy members of the now infamous 'Obedient Wives Club' (OWC) - a club that teaches married women that the secret to a blissful marriage is to obey her husband and ensure he is sexually satisfied. They tout this as the best method to curb socials ills such as divorce and prostitution. The club's vice president has been quoted to say that wives must go beyond the traditional roles as good cooks or good mothers and learn to "obey, serve and entertain" their husbands to prevent them from straying or misbehaving. Indirectly, "disobedient wives are the cause for upheaval in this world" because men are not happy at home and their minds and souls are disturbed, she said. Apparently she also mentioned that wives should serve their husbands better than first-class prostitudes.

Not unexpectedly, women's groups everywhere are up in arms about this, saying the idea that women have to always obey their husbands is degrading to women. And especially degrading is the suggestion that wives have to be whores to their husbands to keep the marriage intact.

However, I'm not about to add to that chorus of up-in-arms women coz' I have a somewhat unusual point of view. Actually, two unsual points of view:

1) For one thing, I somewhat (not totally) agree with the club's teaching that wives should obey their husband and please them in bed (hear me out before throwing eggs at me)

2) For another thing, I think the whole idea of this club is much more degrading to men than it is to women.

On my first point, I'm not a Muslim, but I am Christian, so to my non-Christian friends, kindly excuse me while I spout a bit of Bible-spouting as there is a similar teaching in Ephesians 5 that pretty much says that women should submit to (i.e. obey) their husbands:

"Ephesians 5:22-24: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

However, that's not all. Men, please pay attention:

"Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies"

Now the words "...love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." is no small feat. Christians believe that Christ gave up his own life for the church (and actually, for pretty much everyone else). So in essence, the Bible is saying that husbands are to love their wives enough that they are willing to die for them. And if a husband is truly able to love his wife so much that he is willing to die for her, then it also means that whatever a he says or does is for the benefit of the wife he loves so much. So even if the wife doesn't agree with what he says or does, she should still submit to him because he's acting out of love for his wife (it's pretty much like how a mother or father would want their children to obey them for the very same reason). It's not that being a submissive wife is degrading, but if a husband does what he is SUPPOSED to be doing (which is loving his wife to bits, and not bossing her around like a servant because she's 'supposed' to obey him all the time), and the wife obeys him in return, then that would most likely be a very good and harmonious marriage.

So I do think it's true that being a submissive wife is part of the secret of a great marriage. The other part is that the husband must also play HIS part by NOT taking advantage of his wife, NOT picking on her or abusing her because he thinks he's the boss, NOT cheating on her with other women, etc, etc, but INSTEAD the husband is to treat his wife like the most precious thing on the planet and be willing to protect and love her at whatever the cost. In fact, the husbands of the women who join the OWC should return the favour and start their own club. The "Extremely Loving Hubbies Club". Or the "Be Willing to Die for Your Obedient Wives Club". You get the idea.

Regarding my second point on why the OWC is more degrading to men than women, look at it this way. The women in the club, NOT their husbands, are the ones making the active effort to keep their marriages secure and happy. The women are being proactive, the men have taken the backseat and some are just like "Yeah, we so support this club!" (obviously, they would). And WHY are the women resorting to having to start this whole OWC? Because if the women don't keep their hubbies happy in bed, apparently the men will pretty much automatically feel unsatisfied and driven to find other women to satisfy their sexual needs. It doesn't matter if the wife is a good mother, takes care of the kids well, takes care of the household chores, feeds the cats, pays the bills, washes the car, etc, etc,.... if she's doesn't behave like a naughty sex kitten in bed, that man is going to stray.

In essence, it's pretty much saying that the men have so LITTLE or NO character whatsoever that they are so willing to jeopardize their marriage just to get humped... irregardless of how fantastic his wife is in every other aspect of life.

Now I'm pretty sure that there are men (or I should call them turds) out there who actually are like that. But I also believe there are a great number of men of character who are reasonably more responsible than that. Men of character that understand that the modern woman has to juggle many hats - being a wife and mother, taking care of the house, in addition to having to work and bring in income... and that adding in the role of having to play naughty sex kitten to a horny hubby can be quite taxing for the modern woman. Men of character who will stay by their wives even if she can't always sexually satisfy him. In fact, such as man of character would be the proactive one and MAKE THE EFFORT to satisfy HIS wife. Take her out to a nice candlelit restaurant, write her cheesy love letters, get her roses or teddy bears, give generous helpings of kisses and cuddles after work, or do whatever it is that gives her a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. When a women has spent 8 hours at work, has to come back to deal with bratty kids, cook dinner, do the laundry, and whatever whatever whatever, I do think, she would REALLY appreciate it if her husband took time out to romance her instead. And trust me, when she's treated well in that department, I think the sex kitten will definitely come out to play more often.

So guys (in particular the Muslim guys), why support the formation of a club that is pretty much saying that you have no character when it comes to maintaining your marriage? Isn't it oh-so degrading that all these women think you guys are so hopeless that the WOMEN have to do all the work to keep a marriage intact and the MEN just sit back and 'goyang kaki'? If you're a REAL man (as opposed to a namby pamby man) don't just think about satisfying your sex drive. Think about how you can TAKE THE LEAD in your marriage, making the effort to make it work and NOT having to rely on the woman to do everything to make YOU happy all the time.

In short, while I personally don't think there is anything wrong with choosing to be submissive to your husbands out of love, there is really something wrong with a women if she thinks that the woman is SOLELY responsible for keeping the marriage intact, as was implied by the club's VP saying that "disobedient wives are the cause for upheaval in this world". There are two people in a marriage, not just the wife. It takes two hands to clap, therefore both husband AND wife need to make the effort to keep the marriage strong. It's good that a woman is submissive to her husband, BUT more importantly, the husband has to man up, be of respectable character, protect his wife and family and basically be someone who is worthy of being submissive to.

There you go, my unsual two cents worth. Feel free to debate. :)

The Obedient Wives Club - My unusual two cents worth