In the spirit of 1Malaysia! (Warning: Sarcasm overload)

On today's segment of "Did You Know?" (Actually this is my first segment ever... gotta start somewhere, right?):

DID YOU KNOW...
The Torah (which is the first 5 books of the Bible) were written well before 1000B.C, the 4 Gospels were written about 70 A.D. (about 40 years about Jesus died), the rest of the biblical books were written somewhere in between, but the Quran was written in approximately 610 to 632 A.D (that's waaaay after all the books of the Bible were written) ?

DID YOU KNOW....
Many stories and people written about in the Quran are the same people written about in the Bible? These include Adam, Noah, Abraham, Lot, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Job, King David, King Solomon, Elijah, Elisha, Jonah, Aaron, Moses, Zechariah, John the Baptist, and Jesus. Details of these stories are similar (with some differences) but the Quran describes them all to be men sent by the one whose name starts with "A" (I can't use the word coz' I'm not Muslim. Kinda makes me feel like a character in the Harry Potter books who uses "You-know-you" instead of 'Voldemort'.). More importantly, the Quran says Jesus were merely a prophet, although the Bible says Jesus in the Son of God.

DID YOU KNOW...
The English translation of the Quran also commonly refers to the one whose name starts with "A" as "Lord"? You can see this for yourself in the online version of the English translation of the Quran. The name 'Lord' is what Christians use to refer to our God and to Jesus.


I still hold out some hope that our Malaysian government does desire some form of equality among all Malaysians, especially our Prime Minister and his political party whose name befits their actions (because their actions usually make everyone else go either "Umm?" or "Noooo!!") whose dream is to have everyone united under '1Malaysia'. Under this vision of '1Malaysia', it is apparently very equal to ask people of certain faiths to not use a certain name to refer to their God, regardless of the fact that this name has been used by people of this faith for centuries. The very logical reason is because the people of different faiths have different beliefs of what their God is like, therefore it does not make sense to call the God of people of different faiths by the same name. It is equal to say that even though this certain name of God has been used for centuries by people this faith not only in Malaysia, but also Arab, Indonesia and the rest of the Arabic speaking world, restrictions on the use of this name only apply to people of Malaysia. Why? Well, because Malaysia is SPECIAL (so Arab and Indonesia, you just gotta deal with it. Ok? OK? O? Kay?)
It is also very equal to confiscate and ban 15,000 holy books using this specific name in this specific language. Under '1Malaysia', this is necessary to ensure that the religious sensitivities of a certain group of religiously sensitive people are not insensitively flared up. So to help further achieve our government's noble vision of unity and equality under '1Malaysia', in light of the above mentioned fun facts and also to ensure there is no chance of insensitively flaring up the religious sensitivities of potentially-sensitive people of other faiths, I think it may be necessary to make the following requests to our wonderful and fair government:

1) Kindly order that all English versions of the Quran which refer to the one whose name starts with "A" as 'Lord', be banned, removed from stores and ceased from printing. According to Cambridge Dictionary, "Allah" is defined as "the name of God for Muslims", whereas "Lord" is referring to "(in the Christian religion) God or Jesus Christ". As such, it is fair that if only Muslims can use "Allah" in reference to your God, then it must be that only Christians can be allowed to use the word "Lord" in reference to their God and Jesus Christ. The English version of the Quran cannot use the word "Lord", especially since it is already defined as a name specifically referring to the Christian God, which is obviously not the same as the Muslim God. If an English version of the Quran using the word "Lord" is read by a Christian, they might get confused and convert to Islam. We don't want any Christians to be confused. No sirree. Probably wouldn't be good for Muslims either, since they might also read the word 'Lord' in the English Quran, and think it refers to the Christian God, and therefore be confused and become a Christian. You don't want any Muslims to be confused either. No sirree.

Oh no! I mentioned the 'A' word even though I'm not a Muslim! I'm evil, I'm eeeeeevil!!!

But I'll get over it.

2) In the process, kindly also ban the printing of all English versions of the Quran that print the name of Jesus. This is because the Christians also worship Jesus as our Lord and Son of God, whereas the Quran only describes Jesus as a prophet and specifically states He is not the Son of God. Since the God of the Muslims and the Christians are different and they must be called by different names, then the Jesus of the Muslims and the Christians are also different. Christians might also read about Jesus in the Quran and become confused, thinking He's been demoted to a prophet. No good, no good, no good. You could, however, just refer to Jesus as 'Isa', which is the Arabic name for Jesus. No problem there.

3) While you're at this, kindly also make sure all the English Qurans do not use the names of Adam, Noah, Abraham, Lot, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Job, King David, King Solomon, Mary, Moses, etc... since these were all people written about in the Christian Bible. Copyrights of stories goes to the first person who writes that story, and since the Christian Bible came WAAAAY before the Quran was written, then the Quran cannot use those names. Especially since the Quran also describes these people rather differently, so they can't be the same people as those in the Bible, therefore you have to give them different names. There is no problem if the English Quran used only the Arabic names of these people (Moses = Musa, Solomon = Sulaiman, Mary = Mariam, Abraham = Ibrahim, Noah = Nuh, etc, etc). Gosh, it would just be a catastrophe if the Christians read about all these biblical characters with biblical English names in the Quran. They all just get so confused and think the Quran IS the Bible and become Muslim! After all, there *might* be some Christians out there who are incapable of reading the front cover of a holy book, and therefore mistake the words "The Holy Quran" as meaning "The Holy Bible". Although I wonder how they can even read the book in the first place if they can't even read the front cover and differentiate the Muslim Quran from the Christian Bible. I'm just saying.

4) The government must also establish a new ruling that everyone who has a different opinion about a certain person must refer that person by one specific name. This is due to the very logical reasoning that if Muslims and Christians believe different things about their God, then this God must be two different entities and Muslims and Christians cannot call them by the same name. By the same logic, if I were to believe that the ex-president of MIC, Samy Vellu were a very noble and honest politician upholding the rights of the people, but another person believed Samy Vellu were a scoundrel out to swindle the people of their money, then we are believing in two very different people. As such, it is imperative to have a new ruling - all people with the same opinion of Samy Vellu as myself can only call him "Samy". No other name. And all people who think he's a scoundrel can only call him "Vellu". We cannot interchange these names. It could inflame some political sensitivities, and we don't want people to think we are referring to the same Samy Vellu. It is simply illogical. Same applies to all other politicians and famous people in the country, since everyone has different ideas and opinions about different people. You now have to come up with a long list of specific names that can only be used by specific people. You better get busy!


Yes, my dear Malaysian government and PM, I'm sure you will all agree that removing all English versions of the Quran with the above name being used is an absolutely necessary step towards ensuring the religious sensitivities of the Christians are not inflamed. It is also necessary that all Muslims and Christians make sure they use ONLY the names referring to their respectives Gods and people in the Bible, and not share these names among each other, because this is the true spirit of '1Malaysia'. '1' God for Muslims and '1' God for the Christians. Let's all ignore the fact that Muslims and Christians share a lot of common beliefs... sharing things in common is not in the spirit of '1Malaysia' at all. It is the fact that Malaysians do not know how to share that makes us all truly ONE.

So goooooo, 1Malaysia!

In the spirit of 1Malaysia! (Warning: Sarcasm overload)